Category Archives: dating

Are women complicated?

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Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and possibly set in my ways, but I’m starting to realize sometimes I’m a little complicated! Dating post divorce has really shown me that I’m not the same person I was when I was dating in my teens and 20’s! Now that I’ve been on the other side for awhile I’ve also realized that you people who wait until your 30s to get married are very, very smart! If I had to do it all over again, I would have waited. Anyway, I digress…the purpose of today’s blog is to admit that I’m a woman, and yes sometimes I’m complicated! 

Especially when it comes to dating. For example, when I’m not dating, I miss phone calls, texts, etc., but when I’m getting to know someone new, I get annoyed if they don’t call, but then if they do call everyday, I’m also annoyed! I start to think of reasons why his calls bother me. Is he cray cray or doesn’t have anything else going on? Then for the guy that doesn’t call, I’m annoyed that he can’t pick up the phone to call. Am I not important enough to him? And uh hello, I have a phone too, so why not just call him? 

And then there’s the act of going out on a date itself. I want to go out and get out of the house, but I’m also quite happy being at home in my comfy clothes in front of the tv! So, I sometimes find myself making excuses to not go…and let it be during the week. The answer is always no because after working out, it just takes me too long to put myself together again! But that’s not exactly flexible and conducive to growing a relationship if that’s my goal! 

So, yeah, I have no solution to this conundrum but the first step is at least admitting the problem! 

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Requirements gathering, not just for managing projects, also applies to dating! 

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Over the last couple of years, in my current job, I’ve been learning about project management. I’ve taken courses at work, watched webinars, asked people questions…it’s just been non-stop learning lately. Early on I learned the importance of gathering requirements in the early stages of the project. Doing so saves you a ton of work later on when you discover something you should have known before you hit the ground running! 

The same applies to dating. When you’re getting to know someone new, you can save yourself the frustration later on by asking questions up front and letting it be known what your requirements are and what theirs are as well. Duh, you already knew that, right…but let’s be honest, we rarely have these conversations or requirement meetings because we get caught up! Things are going well, we really, really like the person…and then a shift happens. They say or do something and you’re like whoa, that’s what you think or how you feel? Had we taken the time to investigate these things we would have known that they didn’t want children, or they want to move within a year, or they’re not really looking for a commitment…you get the picture! 

I saw this when I googled “requirements gathering” and it is so very true! It sounds like common sense, but is given far too little attention. 

  My advice is to slow down, ask the right questions, really get to know the person…basically gather your requirements early on! Doing so will save you potential heartbreak! 
What your thoughts? 

Ghosting…that’s what we’re calling it now

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During my morning wake up and scroll through Facebook I saw an article about a young woman’s first date, that seemed to go well…until she suddenly stopped hearing from the guy. In my day (sounding like I’m an old fossil) we called it the disappearing act, but now it’s called ghosting apparently. Yeah, I had no idea we were calling it that either! 

Let’s face it, no matter how awesome we are, we’ve either done this or had this happen…and probably more than once! A couple years ago, I was dating someone who I won’t call out because we’re still Facebook friends and will probably see this 😫 but we were dating for a few months, talked everyday on the phone, and dare I say it, I was beginning to fall in l_ _ _ with him. Then one day we were having our daily chat after work, he said he was going into the store and would call me back…only he never did! 

After trying to call him a few times, sent a few texts, and even Facebook messages, I realized that I wouldn’t be hearing from him again, but why? The worse part is that we had even had numerous conversations about this topic and both agreed that we weren’t into game playing and if either of us were no longer interested we would be honest and tell each other. 

It definitely sucks when this happens. Not only are your feelings hurt, you’re confused, and just left wondering why. And when you’re well into your 30’s you really should be mature enough to be able to express your feelings and not just cease all communication and fall off the face of the earth just because you’re a coward and would rather disappear. 

Of course I moved on eventually, but if I had the chance, even today, I’d want to have the conversation with him and find out why it ended the way it did. Although my trusty woman’s intuition tells me that when this happens, 99.9% of the time, they either met someone new or someone old came back into their lives. 

Girls, if you haven’t found yourselves in this position, unfortunately you probably will, but it happens and life goes on. Karma is also a mighty biotch!