September 21, 2022, a day I’ll never forget. My mama quietly departed this place and made her grand entrance in heaven. This place just hasn’t been the same without her. Some days are better than others, and all days I just miss her.
The thing about the last time is you never know when the last time is the last time. Had I known she had just one more day living, I’m pretty sure I would have skipped work that day and spent it with her. It still bothers me that we used to talk every single day, but that day we didn’t. I called her later than usual and she didn’t answer. I went to bed thinking I’d just call her again the next day…And, I can’t even remember what our last conversation was about, but I do remember laughing. One thing about a conversation with my mama, you were gonna laugh!
Losing a parent, and losing both parents is beyond hard. Kinda feels like you’re an orphan in this world, even if you’re a fully grown 45 year old. You just never not need your parents, and especially your mama. I still have conversations with her in my heart and sometimes out loud. I was recently giggling thinking about one of our conversations. We were always curious about getting our hair colored by a white hair stylist. Not to be racist, but I’ve never found a black stylist to do my hair coloring exactly the way I want it. So, in July I finally got my hair colored by the most awesome stylist and she did an amazeballs job! Since I wear my hair curly, it was kinda hard to see how fabulous it was until I straightened it last week. I looked in the mirror, laughed and said “mama, we were right, they do know their stuff about hair color!”
I’m always wondering what could have been. Like what if I had moved her in with me, could I have made a difference in her health at all? Probably not because she always rolled her eyes when I tried to fuss at her about eating healthy and exercise. We both probably would have been equally frustrated with each other in that situation. But I know she’s healed in heaven, reunited with my dad, and they’re both watching over me. I have the most fab guardian angels, and I’m sure I keep them quite busy with my antics!
I’ve been trying to think of a special way to honor and remember her, but nothing has come to me. Not sure if I want to just go sit there at the cemetery (hate going there,) go eat at her fav restaurant, release balloons…I don’t know. I’m sure it’ll come to me.
I’m super thankful we took plenty of pics over the years, and I saved a lot of her voicemails so I can hear her voice (wish I had some from my dad.) With her personality, I don’t know why I never made videos just of her talking, that would be hilarious. Everybody knows Cheryl Lee was quite the conversationalist!
Mama, I have no words for how this year without you has been. All I know is I miss you and wish you were still here. But I know you’re rejoicing in heaven and wouldn’t come back to this jacked up world if you could. Love you to the moon & beyond…
Being Kindra 
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