What I’ve learned about grief

Losing my dad the day after Christmas in the wee hours of the morning has so far been the hardest thing I’ve ever been through in all 38 years of life. Death is inevitable, but when it comes, it is a feeling that is indescribable. While it’s true that time heals all wombs, because I am handling it better than I imagined I would now that a few months have passed, it is also true that I’ll never be the same, and I’ll never get over the loss. The grief process is different for everyone, and I see it within my family. My mom lost not only our dad, but her very best friend, so I can only imagine how she feels. All she can tell me is that it hurts on the inside and there’s nothing anyone can do.

 I figured I’d share what I’ve learned, and how I’m managing to get through; and hopefully it helps someone who needs it.

1. It’s ok to cry. 

You may be saying duh, but it’s hard to explain to others who have never experienced a loss of a loved one. Some days are better than others. Some days you may not cry at all. You may not have even cried at the funeral. There is no normal, but when the emotions wash over you, let it out and cry. It’s ok. Crying is definitely therapeutic. Funny but not funny, I had to buy a new concealer that was tear proof because I’m telling you, you just never know when you’ll have a moment and I got tired of having a runny streak of concealer under my eyes from crying! 

2. Let those who love and care be there for you. 

At first it may be hard, at least it was for me, but if someone offers to get you out of bed, come sit with you, whatever it is, let them. At the time, you may not feel like it, but chances are you’ll feel so much better afterwards. 

3. Talk to God. 

Some days my prayers are more like talks. I get out how I’m feeling. How much I miss my dad, and a lot of times asking Him to give my dad a big hug and kiss for me! I haven’t questioned why it happened, but I ask Him to help us all through this. And I feel better afterwards, or at least I feel reassurance. I know my dad is in heaven, no longer in pain, cancer free, and watching over all of us. He’s now my VIP angel! I find myself talking to my dad too, and sometimes asking him to go give Jesus a nudge about my prayer requests! 

4. Reflect on the good times. 

What helps me is thinking about the fun I had with my parents over the years. I don’t want to remember him as I last saw him, slipping out of this life and taking his last breath. Instead, I often look at pictures and think of funny moments. We loved to laugh, and there’s so many memories that I’m thankful I have of the good times with my dad. 

5. Make your loved one proud by living your best life. 

Several people have told me that my dad is proud of me, and it always makes me smile every time. I hope it’s true. I hope when my dad watches over me, he’s happy with how I’m continuing to honor him, keep his memory alive, and keeping on keeping on! 

My dad was loved, and is loved! I’m so very thankful to have such a great dad. As he told me every day, I love you dad, to the moon and back 😘

I truly hope this helps someone. Grief is hard, it’s different for everyone, but trust me, you can get through it. You’ve got this 😊

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